Well? It's the big show

Standing at 7 feet 4 inches and weighing in at well over 500 pounds it is... The gaping hole in my calender which inevitably follows a successful run on the stage. That's it, pantomime season has finished for me and after a good run as "sound viking" for a production of Snow White and the scheming, manipulative and award winning role as Mr Boderick Bod (son of Bod) from Beauty and the Beast over with it is that long awaited yet loathed time which any actor hates. Downtime.

A few years ago this was not an issue, In the late teens I was confident enough in myself and the smaller roles I would generally get to take on two or three roles simultaneously but as the ageing process continues and I find myself generally getting the larger roles and forgetting more lines (huzzah for Autocue!) I now tend to only do two a year. I've done my annual light hearted romp with pantomime but between that and my Summer piece Shakespeares "Measure for Measure" (glad he wrote a new play, seems like years since the last one) I have got nothing. So what do actors do during downtime.

Well for one I feel sorry for the West End who're now going to be subjected to the hapless technical styling of the profressionals (not a typo, they call themselves such) who were so bad they were asking 'er indoors for advice. Other than that though, we're left with nothing. As it stands Facebook is agog with statii about how much people are missing the crew and the inevitable post show parties are being planned but the reality is, we fade apart. We'll all work together soon enough and it'll be smiles, hugs and buttock squeezes (when other halves backs be turned) again and as if we've not been apart but until then it's loneliness, quoting not yet forgotten lines and the inevitable what next?

Funny thing is, as an actor you find yourself not actually wanting to do anything! I've sat back to try and get to grips with Football Manager 11 (Huntingdon Town to Premiership glory?), rampaged around the fort on Fallout : New Vegas slaughtering post apocalyptic Roman legionaries and attempted to get my vocal skills up to scratch to take on Bohemian Rhapsody with full harmonies (solo) on Rock Band 3 but the problem is I don't want to do any of that.

Acting at times is like being a war veteran, "you weren't there man, you don't know what it's like!". We go through months of being in each others pockets, during the course of a show the cast are more a part of your family than those you live with, you live and breathe for each other. As a company you get to know everything about everyone and in Stockholm Syndrome fashion you love and care for those who you'd have bugger all to do with normally. Not to say that emotions and friendships aren't real, some of my best friends come through my time on stage, but you're living together and as exhaustion rises you're going through something that outsiders don't quite understand.

I've not really got too much to say today but had to return to blogging as we head into the new year, so this little rambling entry goes to my new brothers and sisters (come to think of it doesn't that make all the hugging and pecks on the cheek turn it into borderline incest?) who've been so key in helping get through the last few months. Some of you I'll never work with or speak to properly again but even still the memories remain...

Art of Acting 2 - Time to start work

I've been far too quiet on here recently and this comes down to the fact I've been barely able to sit still and relax for a few weeks, and it'll get much, much worse now! Over the next month I'm going to be living at the towns Commemoration Hall first in my role as "Sound Viking" for the youth theatre and then on stage during pantomomomime which is now less than 30 days away from show time, celebrity guests (well rumoured Emily Ovendon from Pythia/Medieval Baebes fame) and Miss Pipe heading to the countries first privately owned hospital *grumble* for childish delight.


With that deadline in mind we're now at the stage where people are putting down scripts, getting more physical and in some cases drifting towards complacency. First up let's tackle the "scripts down moment". Some of us are just about trying certain parts, myself included, without the script but the thing is. This leads to confusion as the person whom would fill the role of "contiunuity supervisor" or "prompt" if you prefer hasn't arrived yet which means that there is the continuous stopping when people don't notice you haven't got your script which becomes a repeat later on when the CS/P arrives (two days before show inevitably) who doesn't know when you're stopping for a dramatic pause or forgotten lines. Or they're over eager with a prompt line. Imagine if you will Romeo & Juliet as I, Romeo stand over the "dead body" of Juliet confronted with your one true loves body you don't just ramble on so I stop take a deep breath lower my head and begin working into a state of tears and a voice is heard bellowing from the wings "DEATH THAT HATH SUCKED!"... There goes that mood then!


The problem is that if there is no prompt in early rehearsals they're not going to know these acting nuances when it comes to performance and as a result people find themselves bundling through lines and losing some of the acting side, alternatively pausing midsentence due to the unmistakeable shout. I've only once seen someone forget lines in a professional show (Christian Slater for the record, noticed having played the role of McMurphy myself) and the secret is that the prompts actually turn up for rehearsals, I know in the West End they're paid for it but if actors and directors are there why can't a prompt from the crew turn up too?


Anywho, it's also now getting to the "physical" stage, having slung scripts over the shoulder a production can start picking up on things that are hard to do with a book in your hand. Aside from hitting someone with a book this will include running fight sequences, slapstick routines and other assorted pieces in situ. This in itself isn't too bad, in fact it's when the show starts to really comes together as people start experimenting. Where it does become a problem though is that you find yourselves getting too eager (I have a shirt somewhere with a nice sword hole in the sleeve from a lucky dodge) AND pushing it further as to what "extras" we can put in. Sometimes this isn't too bad, in panto for example people will expect big, larger than life characters and tricks but you can still push it. From a simple sequence like the stronger, braver character panicing, screaming and collapsing unconcious in a heap in terror (possibly with dropped females, sorry Grace) you can lead to more absurd and self induldgent moments. Already we've spotted a few and need to reign ourselves in. Sadly, some actors don't take too kindly to being told "it's a bit too much", That spear carrier pointing with gestures that would make Hulk Hogan blush during the finale of Hamlet springs to mind.


Finally, some people start to drift in a complacent stage. You'd think with less than a month till opening night people may get tense and start focussing... Of course not! Those who felt "untouchable" back in auditions still get that feeling even now (possibly even after getting the crummier role than their superior acting skillz deserve) and for whatever reason still think that they have forever. These are the people who on last night are still reading the script at every opportunity to avoid forgetting lines, they probably should've learnt them earlier. Of course, there are certain roles which are stupidly wordy so can understand but does that character in only two scenes really demand that much? Acting types sit back, relax and then the week before the show realise where they are and start panicking. Shockingly so do directors, while a last second bollocking may seem like "waking them up" the problem stems at the stage when they say that "everything is going really well". If you keep complacency going it's harder to get that later boost. Feedback does need to go both ways, oh and don't get someone who nobody has ever seen before to do the bollocking, it's hard to put on a show when your cast have walked out at the last minute!


That said, this years panto does seem to be going quite well but with a month to go there's not as long as people thing to get it going slick. Now let's wait to see what happens when the tech rehearsal comes along...

Art of Acting 1 - Auditions

As we head in to the Christmas period up and down the land various groups are now preparing to enter "pantomime season" where pretty much every actor up and down this land is preparing to engage "over the top enthusiasim mode" and shouting "Oh no you're not!" over and over again. For a long period I hold my hands up to snubbing panto (Me to play buttons? I'm a serious bloody Shakesperian ac-tour) but after my bid to direct and produce a Hallowe'en performance of "The strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde" fell flat I had a Christmas free and went for it. Personally I've never looked back and I'll do it again. The thing is, when auditioning you find no matter where it is and whom the production is directed by we have a similar procedure.


LIMPETS - Of course, the first thing that happens is that the prospective actors arrive and begin sizing eachother up as potential rivals. The obligatory overtly camp lad no doubt intends to be the butler/servant, a few middle age men are generally going to be fighting over the dame/villain of the piece and roughly 3,971 teenage girls are going to fight it out for the roles of "good fairy" and "pretty love interest". Occasionally one of them will find herself heartbroken in lead male since "well, she looks kind of masculine". Around this, every group has "the regulars", people who come back year and year again who're a little harder to judge ("Do I REALLY want to be the dame 4th year running?") these become the limpets, clinging to those they know.


You see, usually you see groups come in and they're all cuddly and happy and you know they're rooting for eachother. Limpets will inevitably have next to nothing to do with eachother during the run but for now, you're best friends for life. That snooty biatch over there is competition and a limpet will find a corner with fellow limpets and plan their downfall. Hopefully they will read opposite them and make them look REALLY bad but the limpets will often do all they can to make sure their little play thing doesn't get harmed by "outsiders". Shakespeare once wrote "Hell hath no fury like a limpet scorned", a limpet without a role WILL become full of rage and hellfire and begin smeer campaigns on facebook.


READINGS - Once we've gone through the meet and greets and introduced eachother (queue limpets highlighting their years of service) we find ourselves given the roles that the director sees us based on initial appearence and the "I would likes...." almost immediately someone will find him/herself deflated as they're given the complete and utter opposite type of roles to read on. They will find themselves looking like thunder for the rest of the afternoon. Inevitably though people only really get one chance, JUST ONCE CHANCE [/William Wallace] to show what we're capable of. This often ends up with the interesting image of seeing someone trying to show versatility and going through a nice little geographic tour of accents they can do (most end up sounding Indian...)


Sometimes, seeing the script is enough to put people off the role they invisioned themselves/write themselves off in the view of the director (memories of the Zimbabwean Romeo who could barely speak a word of English come flooding back), after this people are well and truly deflated or starting to get confident on their part/sabotaging of the "outsiders" chances.


STUPID MOVEMENTS - It doesn't matter what you're auditioning for, there WILL be a stupid movement session. So many directors like to sit there and watch the way you move. Sometimes this is understandable and in the guise of a quick choreography session where a group of people who're unsure dancers look uncomfortable (female limpets will scowl at the pretty young rivals who appear like professional dancers compared to their flat footed shenanigans) but at least one can understand why. I've never understood why this is required while auditioning for King Leer though.


WAITING GAME - Ultimately, that's it with an audition. Stupid movements will often also cover a little bit of "singing" but by now we've gauged those who're musically aware and whom looked out of their depth so it doesn't offer much except for the remaining 1,573 "pretties" in the event of a tie. Nope you get the waiting game instead. "Thanks for coming, we'll be in touch" this normally has a disclaimer along the lines of "just because you don't hear when your friends do it doesn't mean you're not in". This is a lie, it means you're not in but it gives everyone the butterflies waiting by the phone.


Normally at this stage we thespians begin analysing ourselves and rapidly fall out of love with the audition and aren't too hopeful overall. Some however will be bought to Earth with a bang (most of the limpets in the event of a larger audition) after being convinced they're deities gift to acting. Most will be disapointed and while some will protest and boycott the group, most actors should use this to spur them on. It's still a nice feeling to get that call and get YOUR role (trying to calmly say "yes I will accept X" as your jaw drops is nigh impossible!) but nobody walks into any role and if you're a good, versatile actor you'll still get a decent role. This week I had a bad audition and came out unhappy. I've not got the role I wanted but looking at the script and knowing me I can make it work, anyway, what's the point of playing the same old roles all the time? I personally, am now relishing the role of "Mr Bod" even if he was nowhere near my radar at the audition. Bring on rehearsals!