Fantasy Football

Now the FA Cup is an occasion - next best to Christmas Day, when every team that's in the country get their chance to plaaaay. Apologies for quoting Chas and Dave ('91's epic song "We're off to Wembley (because we beat the Arse nal)") but we're at that time of year when we see something in sport that's almost entirely unique. As I sit at my desk I've spotted League 1 Notts County take the lead against big boys Sunderland. Championship side Cardiff are winning at top flight Stoke and fallen giants Leeds have just been unfortunate with a 90th minute penalty going in against the aforementioned Arse leading to a 1-1 draw at one of the toughest grounds to win at.

FA Cup 3rd round day is one chance when surprises can and do happen and one of few occasions when the little boys have a chance of glory against the big boys, some times it goes further. 13 years ago this weekend was the 4th round tie and one of my favourite memories of growing up, non-league Stevenage Borough 1 - 1 Newcastle United with Stevenage having a goal disallowed due to a tight offside call. Newcastle managed to win a replay 2-1 up in t' North courtesy of a goal which only the referee thought crossed the line, an incident for which I was suspended from school due to everyone wanting to discuss it with me in class the next morning.

Chances are the big boys will win, but as William Wallace/Mel Gibson once said about wanting "one chance, JUST ONE CHANCE!" and the pep talk in "Little Giants" where the losers remember the one time they got one over on more successful siblings to inspire them to that win it's that potential which makes it exciting. Personally, that Stevenage side were one of our weakest in recent years, but still I remember the likes of Des Gallagher, Michael Love, Robin Trott, Mark "Smudger" Smith, Ryan Kirby, Giuliano Grazioli (I once did a presentation claiming him the greatest Roman of all time in History despite being a Londoner), Neil "Sarge" Trebble or Gary Crawshaw as greats (no idea why I never remember the midfield) and with the hype for the rematch tonight on ESPN showing clips from Grazi's goal in front of the tense Geordies I still feel a bit teary eyed in the way that only sport seems to make grown men quiver. I just wish it hadn't been so long ago, would love to relive the memories on those tense ties on DVD, our VHS collection long gone, something which no sport really allows.

Growing up with rugby union, certainly in the amateur days I have fond memories of the "Pilkington Cup" which was close. Granted football has got many more professional teams but the Pilk used to do similar. I still remember the disbelief when my beloved London Wasps managed to lose to the Birmingham Pertemps Bees in a huge shock (though Wasps losing to Bees gave my mates some giggles I didn't share) and the joy when home town Huntingdon managed to qualify for the first round of this hallowed competition (as a youth player we got to play the big boys occasionally, mainly due to the regional nature. Playing Northampton at Franklin's Gardens for a spot in the Midlands cup final at Twickers being a career highlight) but that's now gone. I suppose with the move to professional status the smaller teams got left behind so much quicker and it just didn't get people's interest in the same way as the FA Cup. Such a shame as like the FA Cup those rare shocks were what appealed to me as a fan of the sport.

Tonight as I get ready to see the big game at Broadhall Way (better start checking I've got the tickets on me!) for vengeance a mere 13 years ago I know there's a chance I'll be feeling a bit dejected as the much better equipped and financially supported Newcastle beat us comfortably (that disallowed goal being our one chance) but I, for one, will be delighted that this opportunity exists. We may be a league side now but it changes nothing as we'll again be huge outsiders. Long may the FA Cup continue and here's hoping for some of those shock results!

Splodge

Ah yes, "splodge" the unmistakeable sound of goblin making the mistake of getting too close to an ogre not quite as stupid as he looked at first glance. Yes Blood Bowl is supposed to be the most brutal of sports games and since getting the board game version in around 96/97 one of my favourite of all time. As far as sporting games go there's been nothing for me, subbuteo was fun in doses but ultimately it didn't matter in the long run. Being into strategy games there wasn't a system for long term play and you didn't develop any form of skills other than being a good flicker = victory (though I did grow an attachment to a player with a broken leg in a Villa shirt I called "Steve Froggatt" due to an injury I remembered him picking up). After this there was Totopoly which was a fun little horse racing game. Thing is as far as sporting games went, I'd rather load up Premier Manager than any board games.


So as I began to get into miniature wargaming I came across this one set in the Warhammer world. American football with the added brutality of orcs flattening goblins and assorted other fantasy creatures. Considerably cheaper than going out and spending in excess of £100 to have a reasonable sized "army" it became easier to collect and put together a team. As it now stands I've got all official teams (except Norse, the vikings would be prod buttock, did the minis have any resemblence of the actual team roster) now and took part in two Blood Bowls where the "New Skaven Ratriots" (ratmen) got a Desmond (2-2 w/l record) before "Da Reggae Boyz" (Orcs with some modeling putty dreadlocks in a Jamaican football kit) lost all four.


I did come across a Blood Bowl game for the PC around the time I got first into it. I played it briefly but in the end I was still happier getting the board game out so it ended up in the little second hand game shop in town (sadly, no longer with us) and was forgotten about. As the years progress though I continued to play the board version (the wench is currently undefeated, must stop playing matches with a severe disadvantage against her...) and though my competition days are gone (for now...) my collection still get good game time.


14 years later, after spotting a game called "Chaos League" and spotting the blatant rip-off that it was, I caught the news that the company behind it had received the rights to make the official game. I guess Games Workshop learnt from the past, they accepted a one-off payment for Blizzards game with similarities to the Warhammer universe, next thing you know Blizzard are a huge company and the name Warcraft is bigger than Warhammer, lost them millions. So last year it finally hit the shelves and at the end of the month it's updated to include every team from the board game (bar Chaos Dwarves but they don't exist anymore (not profitable enough))and seems a good time to write it up.


Sound - Like all sports games the commentary can be quite good, with the odd funny one liner but if you play any sport game for more than a couple of hours it does get a more than a little tiresome. Other sound effects are general sporty grunts (and snarls from various creatures) so not fantastic sound but it does create some form of atmosphere though in turn based game play if you're a square short of a touchdown the roar of the crowd goes on forever. Oh the anticipation of a touch down.


Graphics - the image above is from one of the opening sequences (each team has their own sequences which is a nice touch) so not quite in turn with gameplay. In game though it does have a decent look though by modern standards not perfect. It is quite good in that you can instantly recognise the positions of the players and how experienced they are and any mutations and the models do look similar to their miniature counterparts. Graphically it could probably be better but it works and is supposed to be about gameplay right?


Gameplay - It keeps the rules as of the "living rule book version 5" (updated to 6 in Legendary) so as far as the game goes, what works on the board game should work in the game. Sadly a couple of rules are bugged which makes things incredibly difficult to plan ahead, skills dedicated to fouling like Dirty Player or Sneaky Git don't quite work properly which means the goblin method of "counter-splodging" is made harder to implement. A cheaper version of the board game with a couple of rules that don't work right (judging from the 117 page topic on the "Claw mutation ruins games due to being overpowered" that's in the game already! Aims are simple, two halves of 8 turns to try and score more touchdowns than the other team.


Longevity - No two matches against the same team are ever the same anyway and you can always lose that match you should win due to bad dice rolling, you need the skill to make yourself less reliant on dice but every now and then you can't avoid seeing your players laid low as little buggers nip in to beat you 1-0. Add to this the campaign mode which allows you to create your own team from beginning to top and developing skills to (hopefully) make the top and win the Blood Bowl championship itself. With 9 teams (human, orcs, dwarves, lizardmen, skaven (Ratmen), goblins, Chaos (daemonic beasts) and wood or dark elves) you have 9 teams if running to a formula lineup but by tailoring your teams can have much more, not to mention that as skill rolls are random you're never certain to have exactly the same team. Adding in the other 11 teams from the end of October and you should have plenty of replayability.


Overall, I'm probably going to get a lot more out of it than the normal player due to enjoying the board game for so long. If you want a sports game with a bit more depth than FIFA or Madden but don't want the full depth of a purely management title it'll probably go down well with you. It was on the 360, but lost some of the online play meaning online tournaments and the like weren't available and legendary edition isn't going to be released on there for the time being. If you have a PC though give it a go, although for me it's near perfect probably worth a 7/10 for an outsider. Of course, now you've at least got the advantage of demos!

Shambolic Sport

Thought I'd give this a Horrible Historyesque name today and write up. Reason for not writing for a while being that aside from being busy (4 interviews in a week!) when I've had the computer access I've been watching the commonwealth games and trying to figure out why Liverpool fans are so excited about a potential change in ownership which won't actually benefit them too much.

Thing that has me confused about Liverpool is, for starters, how the deal can go through if the owners don't want it to happen. A normal person can go bankrupt, default on their mortgage and have their house taken off them, however an estate agent can't decide to sell their house behind their backs. Not sure why sports different. Then of course you get the fans who're excited and whooping with joy, when it's their own fault. Where we these people when they were second in the table a year ago? Oh they didn't care because they had Stevie G and 'Nando Torres and were sucessful. Can't have it both ways lads (unless finances can be bi...), do you want to spend the money on glory? Or are you prepared to plod around and hope you can get lucky like Spurs or Villa who despite winning multiple European titles (including THE title for Villa) had to settle with years of midtableness just to come close due to frugal management. Even Arsenals' profits don't pay off all debts they gambled on with the new stadium and Wenger is abused due to it.


From here we move back to Delhi where the games' are rife with poor attendences and sickness. Golly gee! I again am shocked. Like the football world cup they've headed out to a country with next to no sporting heritage (a total of 20 medals in 110 years at the olympics), however, unlike the football world cup nobody cares enough to invest the money required to travel out for the Commonwealth games, so you're largely reliant on the locals embracing them. As for the sickness, is it a surprise? Delhi Belly has been a problem with the city for years so anywhere when you have hundreds of people in one place for a fortnight is always likely to affect some of them.


In search for entertainment I've found myself watching some sports which normally aren't on my radar and two of which have really annoyed me. First of which is netball. I watch this game and I honestly can't work out how the game has picked up for so long. While basketball is not my cup of tea I can see the appeal, however the most positive aspect of it is removed when converting to netball in that you lose most of the speed. I just can't see the appeal of watching people move the ball forward, then standing still for what feels like forever and throwing a ball into a hoop, mostly unopposed. Can't believe I could dislike a sport with leggy women running around in skimpy skirts. The other major annoyance is archery. Actually saw someone in a medal final who didn't even need to pull back on the bowstring and just had to hold a widget that did it for her. So not only do they make it easier to aim but you don't even need to pull on the bowstring? Henry V must be spinning in his grave. I'm not going to comment on the poor quality of female goalkeepers in hockey, it's people like that which make female sportspeople look bad, been some great attacking play though around the blunders!


Next up, more sport. Only this one involves harder tackles and more ogres, elves and orcs (OH MY!)

Second time lucky

Okay so I'd prepared a long and detailed series of posts, then the computer died so I'm livid and am now to go rather briefer hopefully will still raise discussion.

First, saw on Sky yesterday that scientists have finally noticed that when an older and calm dog suddenly bites a small child it's actually the childs fault. No shit Sherlock! Turns out that the dog doesn't like having a toddler grabbing it, diving on top of it, pulling on it's fur as it falls over and then to make it worse, children are unable to understand growls and bared teeth, they mistake them for purs and smiles. So they keep going until darling great grandson/daughter gets bit. Dog loses life everyone feels sorry for kiddo. Here's an idea. Keep an eye on your damn kids so YOU can notice this stuff yourself. If you can't keep an eye on your kids don't moan when they do something they shouldn't.


Second on sports, it seems that Delhi may be struggling to make next weekends deadline over the Commonwealth games. As with the above, no shit Sherlock. I understand that in sports you try to spread the major sporting events round but you need to look at the nationwide infrastructure to begin with. In 2003 London managed to foul up the World Athletics Championships and a year later Athens barely scraped it for the olympics. So who really thought that in a borderline third world nation, in a volatile diplomatic situation would pull it off easily? They've had 9 years to get things reasonable yet a week before the off they've barely built any accomodation (shocking, given 150,000 people at best don't have access to basic sanitation in Delhi), the road to the main stadium isn't built (oh look it's collapsed as well now) and parts of various other venues are unstable WITHOUT any one in them. What's that? The rivers just broke it's banks flooding the city? So much for terror threats, they'll implode without Osamas boys going round!


Thirdly onto manners and intimidation, something for more ranty perhaps. Why the blue Hell is a library such a horrible atmosphere here? Traditionally youths hang around on street corners, with cheap cider and look a bit menacing. In Lankyvilles Zimbabwean community they use the library. Yup, of all the places to feel uncomfortable I can't believe it's the library. For some reason, and Sigmar, Odin, Jehova, Apollo or Zeus knows why but young Zimbabwean lads choose the library to be the hunting ground. They stare at you as you walk in to try and intimidate you, when you sit next to one of them they're constantly watching your computer screen and staring at you, they talk loudly to themselves often with Ricky Gervais fake laughs, they mumble insults to you, they elbow you and are just deliberately anti-social. I wonder if library in Ndebele means something completely different to over here...


Finally I want to read into something more positive for the day. Recently I finished Empire of Silver by Conn Iggulden and came across a character from history unfairly forgotten. Sorghaghtani Beki (from now on Sorgie) was wife of Gengis Khans' son Tolui. After her husband sacrificed himself in a shamanist ritual to save his brother and supreme khan Ogedeis' life on campaign she inherited his lands and rules as sole queen (khatun) but also perhaps out of his guilt became a key advisor to Ogedei. After Ogedei died in 1241 his wife Torogene became regent for five years. It would appear according to many references in the official Mongol records Sorgie was really in charge and kept the regency safe through diplomatic and more nefarious means. During the five year regency she was probably the most powerful and influential person on the planet (aside from her 20 years as sole ruler of Iran, Mongolia and north China after her husbands death) and perhaps even makes her the most powerful woman in the history of the world. Sadly the Mongol Empire is no more which means to most of the world she is but a footnote in the lines of history. More respect for Sorgie please Amerupean historians.