Childhood Revisited - Transformers (G1)

I feel harsh appraising this one after all this time. I can't really compare a cartoon designed to advertise toy ranges to a film but as a kid this was essential viewing so it warrants a rewatch. Though incidentally with the exception of the Optimus Prime Toy below I didn't actually have any of the toys of the key characters, I recall a micro machines version of the "Aerialbots" and I think one of the "Combaticons" but generally it was about enjoying the stories for what they were. Incidentally due to a kerfuffle with Play.com (why do they hate me) I'm going to stop just before the movie and stick with the more Earth focussed series'.

Okay so Season one started off with a three episode special detailing the basics of the plot which were a civil war between Autobots and Decepticons on a dying planet, the Autobots fleeing to another world and crashing eons ago on Earth, finding Earth based vehicles to disguise themselves as and the Decepticons trying to steal resources to fly home. In this case it introduces us to the core 6/7 on each side and builds up the story. One of the key elements of the first series is with the exception of the episodes with multiple parts it's typically cartoon. Bad guys scheme, good guys foil scheme, bad guys go back to plot revenge and repeat ad-nauseum. As the series seems to be touching the waters I don't think there's that much there which doesn't overtly reek of salesmenship such as the random decision to build robot dinosaurs. As the hapless Michael Bay says "what use is disguising yourself as a robot dinosaur". That said everyone loves Grimlock. Probable highlight is War of the dinobots which shows Grimlock as slightly more than just a dumb brute, far more like he is in the comic books. Sadly in later years he reverts to little more than a comic figure.

Season two starts off in much the same way as the first with using that same core (primarily) and a couple of the later additions like the Constructicons (without wrecking ball testicles thank you Mr Bay...) but after the first dozen or so it begins to branch. What it does is start to expand the universe, alongside the typical salesman spiel we're now introduced to concepts like the super computer Vector Sigma which gave the transformers life and personalities and going back to when the war began and basically creating a more "real" universe. A lot of the new characters were introduced because of toys but some (Alpha Trion being the most important possibly) were also there to develop a real world. I do think a large part of it was down to the fact the movie was going to be worked so it makes more sense to try and develop a better plot. Especially when they made some of the decisions regarding key elements of the movie, got to admit, little Lanky was traumatised... Of course it wasn't all relevant plot building. Vector Sigma knows what they were thinking with the episode "Kremzeek".

As a product though how does it really hold up? In some cases it does look incredibly 80's and the number of animation and sound errors is shockingly high which shows how rushed some of it would be put together. Overall though it's not that bad to watch, 'er indoors actually watched this all for the first time as I was putting this all together for the sake of the blog and she was giggling sometimes at it and enjoyed watching through generally although I doubt she got why I dragged her to the cinema for the first Bay film like a giggling fanboy.

If you didn't enjoy it as a kid I don't think going back now is really going to change anything. I'm sure Hannah enjoyed the odd episode but I don't think she'd have sat through the lot if it hadn't been for the fact we were spending our evenings with nothing on television. For a nostalgic look it can be worth it but I think it is entirely down to getting it for a cheap price that you're happy with. It doesn't hold up great but I still think it looks and sounds a lot better then cartoons I'd caught since, not sure what that says about kids telly these days...

Networking 1 - Eat Them!

Another semi-regular feature where I look on Playstation Network and pick up a random game to look at. I'm sure I'm going to be beaten for some of the crap I pick up but hopefully I'll find gems. It also means my praise to Nuffle will have to wait until it's untopical but so bloody what? First episode is Eat Them!

As the screenshot above may suggest you're represented by a whacking great big monster and smash the bejesus out of anything you can get hold of. Essentially it's Rampage 2010 on the surface but it is a little deeper than that. Although you don't need to you can engineer your own evil monster of choice from various body parts you can unlock as you carry out challenges and follow the story through. The default monsters are pretty effective to begin with but it's not the same as creating your own beast. Granted that's the RPG Lanky coming out, I used to spend way too long creating band members on Rock Band 2 (before they made it harder to create an authentic band, well researched twunts) so maybe people will settle for the various different default creatures.

Visually the cell shading looks nice and in simplistic terms it's actually quite effective allowing you to tell the difference between police forces, convicts, the army and civilians just by colour of clothing. Kind of like an 8 bit game while looking obviously better and running smoother with more "boom" factor. Incidentally to fit in with the cell shaded look the story is actually built around comic issues which was a nice little touch. The sound is fairly basic in comparison but I guess that's to be expected with it, there's a distinctly chiptune style there and in keeping with the 8 bit style I get the impression Eat Them tries to convey. Of course like the old games there's also the fact it gets repetitive fast audibly. Think back to the same bar from Ghostbusters over, and over again and you get the point but if you're focussed on playing the game you can phase it out, or at least I do.

I've seen some people actually downgrade it for the missions, put simply to advancement in the game to the next issue in the series you need to medal in a series of challenges of increasingly difficulty in each story area to advance to the next section. The better the medal the more you unlock as well for body parts if you're interested in that (a few trophies rely on top medals as you'd exepect if you're into trophy hunting, also a trophy for viewing every part in creation mode). It doesn't seem to prevent story advancement so to skim through it doesn't matter much at all. The offending mission is "race" which entails running around a map to checkpoints within a certain time and doing as little damage as possible.

That seems to fly in the face of the idea of the game wherein people assume to just "smash things" is all you need. Personally it's why I've not played a lot of Rampage over the years, every now and then I play it for a while but never come back. Race helps to move you away from that, sadly that's the only difference from various methods of destruction. The story issues are well thought out with tasks like smashing prisoners out to work for you, bank robberies and helping the getaway cars get out and other nefarious deeds but to get to these you'll need to break things as quickly/effectively as possible.

It's not a bad game to play, the controls are fairly simple though in it's simplicity you're not really told how to do everything, I found out how to roar and intimidate by accident (L2) for example, which was useful as it stopped everyone armed or not from attacking me while I feasted on them to replenish my health (thus the name "Eat Them"), the more intimidating a monster the higher radius.

Essentially, it's an okay game. It's nothing special but it doesn't make me apprehensive of 'er indoors using the words "let's try that one" like some of the titles I've seen while skimming through. The destruction missions are fun to play, at first but I can't see me having the drive to replay them again and again for gold medals later on. Not a bad game and at £6.29 it's a bit of a better price than you would otherwise have for some titles but could be a gamble. I'd give it a stable 6/10

Childhood Revisited - Labyrinth

The first episode of a semi-regular feature now where I go back and re-watch things from my childhood and growing up and see how as an adult things have aged. Today comes from my little girl Sara who kindly lent us her DVD for a couple of days Jim Hensons' Labyrinth. For those who've never seen it the story is about a teenage girl called Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) who in quoting a line from her favourite play causes her baby brother Toby to be abducted on behalf of the Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie) and to win him back she must find her way through a large mazey type thing to his castle and confront Jareth to win him back. On the way plenty of peril and wacky Jim Henson characters.

I can't remember the first time I'd seen it, I'll assume it was on TV in around '87/'88 the first time and again when I was 13 for the Saturday matinee (miss the days when going to the cinema would cost just £1) with an ex-girlfriend though I'm sure I saw it between those two dates I'm sure I've not seen it since but I remember it as an old fashioned fairy story with some creepy moments and wierd and wonderful characters, but what do I see now?

Well for a start the soundtrack is still as good as I remembered it with some great songs (Magic Dance for Rock Band please?) though the score elements are very 80's with lots of big synth chords which could be very in your face but it's the songs which you'll remember from this sort of film anyway. Visually there was only one scene that especially looked dated and wrong. At some stage Sarah encounters "The Fireys" flame coloured creatures who had the ability to remove body parts willy-nilly and essentially were there to sing the song "Chilly Down" but due to the difficult nature of getting the effect of removing limbs to work it was filmed on a black screen and then refilmed with a backdrop but no puppets and merged via computermabob. An ambitious scene which looked off now, obviously understandable but only time I thought it looked "wrong".

Performances were fine, Jennifer Connelly (shocked to find only 14 at the time) was fine in the main role and carried the film well. Essentially she had to work on her own most of the time (thankfully it's the 80's and Henson. Now next to none of it would be practically done) and she did a good job for what it's worth. Opposite her Bowie didn't do too much bar the songs and I think Jareth is played in a campy villainous manner but it all works reasonably well. Something I noticed more now was the sexual tension between the two (part of this because of Bowies' tights and rather noticeable trouser snake (hypnotic)) which would've had another twist had they gone with the proposed Michael Jackson in the role! That said Jennifer was the wrong gender and too old for him (too soon?). The real stars though were the puppets, "Hoggle" was essentially the second lead and was superbly done and of course there's the typically individual looks of each other character.

In the end I still enjoyed it. The sense of menace wasn't the same and on DVD it felt brighter than I remember it being but it still did the job. Some of the childish perils ("The bog of eternal stench") were typically Henson, Python (screenplay written by Terry Jones) and certainly would still appeal to children. The songs were enjoyable, the characters memorable (Sir Didymus, the fox-terrier knight riding his english sheepdog steed Ambrosius still makes me laugh) and I'm glad it was made when it was and by the right people. Now, Labyrinth would be a highly CGI charged affair which would take away most of it's charm, nothing would've felt the same as all the practical stunts used in this and the interaction with the puppets would feel, almost flat. To me, watched with a family I can see this still has it and I hope that families will continue to enjoy it. Future Jr Lankys will certainly grow up learning to fear the "eternal stench" and look in terror at Barn Owls for generations!

Game. Set. Match. Mr Thunderhead

Courtesy of Shinobi from the Retro Gamer forums I've decided today I'm going to head back to gaming for a while and a look at Sega Superstars Tennis. This to me was partly a game released 10 years too late. Growing up in primary school the big debate was always Sega Vs Nintendo a war which ultimately with the arrival of a third party Sony led to a resounding defeat for Sega withdrawing them from hardware and only focussing on software. Nintendo for their sins had became experts at prostituting their intellectual properties and while Sega made good games right up to the Dreamcast era Nintendo essentially could rely on sales of self developed franchises like Zelda and Mario, the latter of which starred in spin-off games of a variety of types, most successful being the Mario Kart series (many a gap between scenes has been killed playing wirelessly on the DS version to this day!) although the little plumber has also enjoyed stints on the golf course, football pitch, medical profession and tennis court.

Sega have finally caught on and now unleashed the Superstars series first with a substandard mocap game using the eyetoy for PS2. Released now with the rise of these kind of mini-game fests maybe it would've been a bigger success. This was the follow up taking Sega superstars onto the tennis court. As a game it does exactly what you would expect from it. Lots of cartoony graphics played out in game themed locales for a quick game of tennis - on default settings a match can be over in under a minute - with a selection of mini-games for longevity.

As far as playing it goes, the control system was over elaborate. Move by using the left stick with X for a standard shot, and [] for a slice. However lobs and dropshots are played by using a quick combo of the two others leaving the two other buttons unused while your superstars special ability unlocked with the top shoulder buttons. I can't work out why it was done this way, I suspect it was essentially laziness in programming a slightly different control scheme compared to the Wii version over the other consoles. It's not a major problem and I'm sure you could change the controller settings if you wanted, it's just a strange design choice.

Being tennis though it's straight forward to play with you hitting it back and forth against an opponent until one of you misses it for a point, yadayadayada. Also included are mini games though, my favourite of which based on House of the Dead (named Curiens mansion due to a ban in Germany!) involving knocking waves of zombies unconscious with tennis balls, it might sound childish but hitting them in the midsection and hearing a groan is good for a giggle akin to hitting bystanders on a Tiger Woods game and watching them hop in frustration. The mini-games add to longevity alongside Superstars mode which combines standard matches and mini-games into unlock various other stages and courts. Though like a lot of sport games, its best played multiplayer, it keeps her indoors quiet as Amy the Hedgehog from Sonic smashes a serve straight past the awesome Gilius Thunderhead from Golden Axe.

Thing is, I think Sega in typical fashion missed a current generation trick. Downloadable content. Out of the box there are 16 characters on 10 courts yet these don't really mix too well, for example you have Alex Kidd and the almighty Gilius (notice who my fave character would be...) as playable players but no court for them and courts for House of the Dead or Outrun but no characters to play on them, while Sonic is typically represented by two courts and 5 characters. In my view a DLC pack of a doubles team (e.g. Ax Battler and Tyris Flare from Golden Axe) with a court (and associated music) tied in wouldn't be a bad idea (price dependent) and since their are so many franchises untouched they could have a supply that depending on content prices would keep a steady group of fans content and add longevity. I challenge thee to find someone who could resist the chance to smash tennis balls at Toejam and Earl?

Ultimately it's a solid game and worth around 7/10. Playing on your own you won't get masses of playtime but with mates round it'll be a nice little game to play alongside drunken FIFA battles. Shame there were some missed opportunities with regards to adding a little more for fans. That said I'd have loved more DLC for Ultimate Mega Drive Collection too, more modern retro goodness please!

Confused.com? I am now!

Why are all adverts so criminally piss poor? I once heard someone say that "the worse an advert the more memorable it becomes" now judging by the continuing use of that fat git from the Go Compare adverts I don't think I need Adam and Jamie to say "Myth Confirmed" for this matter. Far more irritating though is when an advert becomes so bad that you can't actually remember what it's advertising.

Some of the offenders, the aforementioned Go Compare and Comparethemarket.com (granted I still have a soft spot for Alexander the meerkat, probably due to the voice actor being the legendary Michael from I'm Alan Partridge - and a meerkat) are at least obvious what they are advertising. It's still got the nuisance value but they at least sit there and make it obvious. Far worse though are sitting through adverts which don't actually seem to be that good at what they're doing.

Now let's look at the latest Confused.com advert shall we? We have some bint singing how she needs somebody to love and two random people from loads who join together and talking about two million people... When the blue Hell did they turn into a dating website? When they first started advertising it was obvious, show hopeless elderly person being shown how to use the internet and how easy the web site is. So why on Earth did they go with some cryptic thing which leads to any confusion. Rule number 1 of performance and PR, always assume that people have no idea who/what you are. Incidentally the blonde must have severe back trouble with bristols like that!

For a long time there have been a whole host of adverts along this line, generally they fit into three categories. Car adverts, men's deodorant (clearly we can't handle the scientific and hilariously small focus groups used for women's stuff!) and alcoholic beverages are the ones worst for this. Please, if you're going to wind us up at least could you do us the pleasure of making it obvious what you're trying to sell us!

Fantasy Football

Now the FA Cup is an occasion - next best to Christmas Day, when every team that's in the country get their chance to plaaaay. Apologies for quoting Chas and Dave ('91's epic song "We're off to Wembley (because we beat the Arse nal)") but we're at that time of year when we see something in sport that's almost entirely unique. As I sit at my desk I've spotted League 1 Notts County take the lead against big boys Sunderland. Championship side Cardiff are winning at top flight Stoke and fallen giants Leeds have just been unfortunate with a 90th minute penalty going in against the aforementioned Arse leading to a 1-1 draw at one of the toughest grounds to win at.

FA Cup 3rd round day is one chance when surprises can and do happen and one of few occasions when the little boys have a chance of glory against the big boys, some times it goes further. 13 years ago this weekend was the 4th round tie and one of my favourite memories of growing up, non-league Stevenage Borough 1 - 1 Newcastle United with Stevenage having a goal disallowed due to a tight offside call. Newcastle managed to win a replay 2-1 up in t' North courtesy of a goal which only the referee thought crossed the line, an incident for which I was suspended from school due to everyone wanting to discuss it with me in class the next morning.

Chances are the big boys will win, but as William Wallace/Mel Gibson once said about wanting "one chance, JUST ONE CHANCE!" and the pep talk in "Little Giants" where the losers remember the one time they got one over on more successful siblings to inspire them to that win it's that potential which makes it exciting. Personally, that Stevenage side were one of our weakest in recent years, but still I remember the likes of Des Gallagher, Michael Love, Robin Trott, Mark "Smudger" Smith, Ryan Kirby, Giuliano Grazioli (I once did a presentation claiming him the greatest Roman of all time in History despite being a Londoner), Neil "Sarge" Trebble or Gary Crawshaw as greats (no idea why I never remember the midfield) and with the hype for the rematch tonight on ESPN showing clips from Grazi's goal in front of the tense Geordies I still feel a bit teary eyed in the way that only sport seems to make grown men quiver. I just wish it hadn't been so long ago, would love to relive the memories on those tense ties on DVD, our VHS collection long gone, something which no sport really allows.

Growing up with rugby union, certainly in the amateur days I have fond memories of the "Pilkington Cup" which was close. Granted football has got many more professional teams but the Pilk used to do similar. I still remember the disbelief when my beloved London Wasps managed to lose to the Birmingham Pertemps Bees in a huge shock (though Wasps losing to Bees gave my mates some giggles I didn't share) and the joy when home town Huntingdon managed to qualify for the first round of this hallowed competition (as a youth player we got to play the big boys occasionally, mainly due to the regional nature. Playing Northampton at Franklin's Gardens for a spot in the Midlands cup final at Twickers being a career highlight) but that's now gone. I suppose with the move to professional status the smaller teams got left behind so much quicker and it just didn't get people's interest in the same way as the FA Cup. Such a shame as like the FA Cup those rare shocks were what appealed to me as a fan of the sport.

Tonight as I get ready to see the big game at Broadhall Way (better start checking I've got the tickets on me!) for vengeance a mere 13 years ago I know there's a chance I'll be feeling a bit dejected as the much better equipped and financially supported Newcastle beat us comfortably (that disallowed goal being our one chance) but I, for one, will be delighted that this opportunity exists. We may be a league side now but it changes nothing as we'll again be huge outsiders. Long may the FA Cup continue and here's hoping for some of those shock results!

Well? It's the big show

Standing at 7 feet 4 inches and weighing in at well over 500 pounds it is... The gaping hole in my calender which inevitably follows a successful run on the stage. That's it, pantomime season has finished for me and after a good run as "sound viking" for a production of Snow White and the scheming, manipulative and award winning role as Mr Boderick Bod (son of Bod) from Beauty and the Beast over with it is that long awaited yet loathed time which any actor hates. Downtime.

A few years ago this was not an issue, In the late teens I was confident enough in myself and the smaller roles I would generally get to take on two or three roles simultaneously but as the ageing process continues and I find myself generally getting the larger roles and forgetting more lines (huzzah for Autocue!) I now tend to only do two a year. I've done my annual light hearted romp with pantomime but between that and my Summer piece Shakespeares "Measure for Measure" (glad he wrote a new play, seems like years since the last one) I have got nothing. So what do actors do during downtime.

Well for one I feel sorry for the West End who're now going to be subjected to the hapless technical styling of the profressionals (not a typo, they call themselves such) who were so bad they were asking 'er indoors for advice. Other than that though, we're left with nothing. As it stands Facebook is agog with statii about how much people are missing the crew and the inevitable post show parties are being planned but the reality is, we fade apart. We'll all work together soon enough and it'll be smiles, hugs and buttock squeezes (when other halves backs be turned) again and as if we've not been apart but until then it's loneliness, quoting not yet forgotten lines and the inevitable what next?

Funny thing is, as an actor you find yourself not actually wanting to do anything! I've sat back to try and get to grips with Football Manager 11 (Huntingdon Town to Premiership glory?), rampaged around the fort on Fallout : New Vegas slaughtering post apocalyptic Roman legionaries and attempted to get my vocal skills up to scratch to take on Bohemian Rhapsody with full harmonies (solo) on Rock Band 3 but the problem is I don't want to do any of that.

Acting at times is like being a war veteran, "you weren't there man, you don't know what it's like!". We go through months of being in each others pockets, during the course of a show the cast are more a part of your family than those you live with, you live and breathe for each other. As a company you get to know everything about everyone and in Stockholm Syndrome fashion you love and care for those who you'd have bugger all to do with normally. Not to say that emotions and friendships aren't real, some of my best friends come through my time on stage, but you're living together and as exhaustion rises you're going through something that outsiders don't quite understand.

I've not really got too much to say today but had to return to blogging as we head into the new year, so this little rambling entry goes to my new brothers and sisters (come to think of it doesn't that make all the hugging and pecks on the cheek turn it into borderline incest?) who've been so key in helping get through the last few months. Some of you I'll never work with or speak to properly again but even still the memories remain...