Who are You? Who who, who who?

Strictly speaking that's a grammatical error but given the background I'm not surprised "The Who(m)" got that wrong. Useless detour many MOONS ago my friend Liz's mum was engaged to their drummer, can never remember his name though, the engagement was called off because "he'll never amount to anything". Well done Mummy Liz, a few months and a broken instrument or two and we have one of the most iconic bands of all time.


I digress from my point though, no nautical terms thankfully, as my topic today is the most watched program on the planet CSI - Crime Scene Investigation. William Peterson who plays Gil Grissom put it best when he said that this wasn't a bog standard "Whodunnit but a HOWdunnit" and I think that's one of the reasons it's so popular. Sometimes the penny drops too late and they don't get their man/woman or they realise they make a mistake. Also Catherine Willows (Marg Somegermannamer) is such a judgemental trollope she'll dedicate most of an episode harassing someone innocent then refuse to swallow her pride and say "sorry" after breaking up a relationship/shutting down a business/wasting an innocent mans time (always male suspects).


Recently me and Hannah finished sitting through the whole of the first series, most episodes of which we've not seen for a very long time if at all. During which I decided to play the "Catherine game" and judge someone's motives from their first line. Initially I'd been playing the "Metropolitan Police" method of "Black-Dude did it" and though it would've served me right in 3/23 episodes, in most cases the only "suspect" was Warrick Brown (I'm sure this is a writers error, in his script he wrote Enter Warrick, Brown, they assume its his name for PC reasons) and I can't believe he'd do anything wrong, ever, right? Playing more seriously I had a better success rate and would spot the key evidence as well but it's just not as fun.


The board game version as a result of the formula actually made it one of the best board games I've played for ages. In order to win you not only had to get the right suspect but the three key pieces of evidence that is 110% concrete in court, fail however, and you're "off the case". As a family we never managed to win. We've always had the right suspect but not the right evidence to get the arrest and conviction. So many criminals walking the streets of cardboard Vegas because of my inability to wait for evidence, though at least I've not yet done a Catherine and let my prejudism jade my judgement. Well there was the one time with my first role of the dice I went to Grissoms office and said "Black-Dude did it"... Don't know where that game is now, could be epicness next Forumbat sleepover!


So that's it for the day, finished the series one DVD box set and now to find a next film series to captivate me. Maybe Hannibal Lector (including Manhunter starring Grissom) will do, unless for the wenches birthday someone happens to have the series 2 CSI:Vegas box set available... Nah, didn't think so!

Director of Ironic Punishments

At this stage I'm assuming any reader will be aware of the story of Mary Bale, who in Coventry randomly stopped to pick up a cat and dump it into a wheelie bin - where the cat "Lola" remained for the next 15 hours. Now at this stage I'm not going to pass judgement of the dotty old mare who thought "it would be funny" to do this. While it was a strange thing to do and I would raise issues about one's sanity to randomly do something like this I do think there's been an over reaction to this. It's not like she allowed her pittbul to roam the streets and maul a cat to death in front of her owner as happened in Preston at the same time (link at bottom of post) here, it's random and not right but come off it we're not talking the worst case ever here.

This is why I am making it my duty to recommend to our Prime Minister (lucky timing with the kid there mate as an excuse for missing a big economic meeting) to make the post of Director of Ironic Punishments. Now, some people do things which are strictly speaking not illegal and some offences do not fit the punishment. In my first act for example, I have decided that Mary Bale should be picked up by somebody dressed as Tony the Tiger and thrown into a skip and enclosed for 15 hours. On release she'll understand how foolish she was and will think twice before stupidity for the lolz.


It's not like this is a completely new idea, technically this happens with the American legal system. At the moment, someone who is convicted of rape often finds themselves being explored intimately by someone who's able to physically dominate them and punish them in the same way this happened before. It doesn't work in the UK as well as these people are generally all weedy, we don't seem to have the same type of tough career criminal over here. Though I'm sure locking 50 rapists into one cell on a 15 year sentence will soon change the current situation there.


Of course, I've not been able to think through everything here as regards to everything but there are offences it could easily be used. For example, minor sexual assault, dude pinches wench in the buttocks. The punishment for this would be being placed short term on the sex offenders list, what's to stop one from doing it again? Simple, get a lobster to pinch him on the testes. I suspect he will think twice before pinching sensitive areas on others.


Local chav decides to sell on stolen goods to local second hand dealer like Cash Convertors. Simply just go in and sell their belongings for the fraction of their value. So as not to be too harsh we'll give them the £45 they gave us for all their worldly belongings to rebuild their lives. Alternatively let the victim take items from the thief up to double the value of the original goods. Also to be flogged for attempting to flog the orignal goods.


I'm not saying ironic punishment is the be all and end all. Forcing someone sharing pornographic images of children to make them himself would hardly be a punishment and kind of counter productive. I do feel however that overall it'd make courtrooms all the more interesting and entertaining for judges and lawyers, "milud, I put it to you that the defendents multi-million pound jewellery heist calls upon an ironic punishment, perhaps removing an arm and grinding the bones into semi-precious stones would be a fitting gesture".


In case no one could guess I'm in one of THOSE moods today, oh well could be worse. It could be raining outside and.... Oh :(


http://www.lep.co.uk/news/i_can_t_sleep_after_watching_unleashed_dog_maul_my_cat_1_1218362