This is not going to purely be ranting about the lack of breakfast in bed on my birthday, though I am sure that people would concur not even receiving a cup of tea would be incredibly insensitive and just downright mean. These sort of losses deserve a full scale rant but I can cope with them. Nor am I going to complain by the realisation I find myself sitting down and conversing with people half my age on a regular basis through theatrical escapades. Come to think of it the most alarming thing about that is that these kids are trying to teach me far too many dance routines for this years pantomime.
It's about the loss of the "special milestone" that birthdays used to be during our formative years. For the last 5 years very little has really happened and it now becomes "just another day", yes you'll receive a few cards from family members to show that people remember birthdays (incidentally this is now the missus' department, no card, blame her) and you'll receive 45 wall posts saying variations of "Happy Birthday" on your Facebook page and on nice forum communities you may be fortunate enough to receive a happy birthday topic of your very own. It's always nice to receive that small dose of appreciation but for the most part it's just another day.
Compare this to those "milestone" birthdays from not that many years before. As a child you would be lucky enough to receive that special gift you wanted and while we may get one little thing from those closest to us those days are long, long gone. As we go further into our teens these presents become rarer but so to do parties, do people assume as you reach 15 you're no longer deserving? We may be fortunate to have a special occasion such as our 18th and 21st party and special nights out (16th for young'uns due to the septic influence) but for the most part things are drifting further away from us.
What I'm saying is, us oldies should reclaim our birthdays from the doldrums. Why on Earth when I'm at work on my birthday why should I be the one expected to provide cakes/tin of sweets (thankfully cheap due to post Samhain sales) for everyone else? In fact, in schools it's almost seen as expected for the child to have their birthday off with no repurcussions. Let's extend this to the work life. One free days leave for all workers. If you are not due to be in work on your birthday allow this day to used up in another days paid leave.
Then there's the parties. Are we frightened of allowing ourselves to have a big old get together and good time with our friends and family? Let's reclaim the birthday party, let's make it so it's not seen as wierd for us to crash our parents place and put a big old bouncy castle in the garden get our friends round and have a huge sugar rush (not advised for GemGem). If one desires to have a swimming party with the giant inflatable pirate ship then my deity we should be allowed this option without the old bat at reception saying "sorry this is for children under the age of 13". It's my birthday and I want be allowed to be spoilt and have a darn tooting day with my friends. Is it really too much to ask?
I know a spoilt birthday can't be every year for cost reasons and the like but let's be fair here. When do we get the chance to truly be spoilt once we embark on life in the big wide world? It's the anniversary of our birth and we don't get too many days to celebrate that (average 80/29000 days) and this is just not fair. Let's enjoy our birthdays and win those classic days back. Come on, let's be having you!
Showing posts with label nonsense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nonsense. Show all posts
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Director of Ironic Punishments
At this stage I'm assuming any reader will be aware of the story of Mary Bale, who in Coventry randomly stopped to pick up a cat and dump it into a wheelie bin - where the cat "Lola" remained for the next 15 hours. Now at this stage I'm not going to pass judgement of the dotty old mare who thought "it would be funny" to do this. While it was a strange thing to do and I would raise issues about one's sanity to randomly do something like this I do think there's been an over reaction to this. It's not like she allowed her pittbul to roam the streets and maul a cat to death in front of her owner as happened in Preston at the same time (link at bottom of post) here, it's random and not right but come off it we're not talking the worst case ever here.
This is why I am making it my duty to recommend to our Prime Minister (lucky timing with the kid there mate as an excuse for missing a big economic meeting) to make the post of Director of Ironic Punishments. Now, some people do things which are strictly speaking not illegal and some offences do not fit the punishment. In my first act for example, I have decided that Mary Bale should be picked up by somebody dressed as Tony the Tiger and thrown into a skip and enclosed for 15 hours. On release she'll understand how foolish she was and will think twice before stupidity for the lolz.
It's not like this is a completely new idea, technically this happens with the American legal system. At the moment, someone who is convicted of rape often finds themselves being explored intimately by someone who's able to physically dominate them and punish them in the same way this happened before. It doesn't work in the UK as well as these people are generally all weedy, we don't seem to have the same type of tough career criminal over here. Though I'm sure locking 50 rapists into one cell on a 15 year sentence will soon change the current situation there.
Of course, I've not been able to think through everything here as regards to everything but there are offences it could easily be used. For example, minor sexual assault, dude pinches wench in the buttocks. The punishment for this would be being placed short term on the sex offenders list, what's to stop one from doing it again? Simple, get a lobster to pinch him on the testes. I suspect he will think twice before pinching sensitive areas on others.
Local chav decides to sell on stolen goods to local second hand dealer like Cash Convertors. Simply just go in and sell their belongings for the fraction of their value. So as not to be too harsh we'll give them the £45 they gave us for all their worldly belongings to rebuild their lives. Alternatively let the victim take items from the thief up to double the value of the original goods. Also to be flogged for attempting to flog the orignal goods.
I'm not saying ironic punishment is the be all and end all. Forcing someone sharing pornographic images of children to make them himself would hardly be a punishment and kind of counter productive. I do feel however that overall it'd make courtrooms all the more interesting and entertaining for judges and lawyers, "milud, I put it to you that the defendents multi-million pound jewellery heist calls upon an ironic punishment, perhaps removing an arm and grinding the bones into semi-precious stones would be a fitting gesture".
In case no one could guess I'm in one of THOSE moods today, oh well could be worse. It could be raining outside and.... Oh :(
http://www.lep.co.uk/news/i_can_t_sleep_after_watching_unleashed_dog_maul_my_cat_1_1218362
This is why I am making it my duty to recommend to our Prime Minister (lucky timing with the kid there mate as an excuse for missing a big economic meeting) to make the post of Director of Ironic Punishments. Now, some people do things which are strictly speaking not illegal and some offences do not fit the punishment. In my first act for example, I have decided that Mary Bale should be picked up by somebody dressed as Tony the Tiger and thrown into a skip and enclosed for 15 hours. On release she'll understand how foolish she was and will think twice before stupidity for the lolz.
It's not like this is a completely new idea, technically this happens with the American legal system. At the moment, someone who is convicted of rape often finds themselves being explored intimately by someone who's able to physically dominate them and punish them in the same way this happened before. It doesn't work in the UK as well as these people are generally all weedy, we don't seem to have the same type of tough career criminal over here. Though I'm sure locking 50 rapists into one cell on a 15 year sentence will soon change the current situation there.
Of course, I've not been able to think through everything here as regards to everything but there are offences it could easily be used. For example, minor sexual assault, dude pinches wench in the buttocks. The punishment for this would be being placed short term on the sex offenders list, what's to stop one from doing it again? Simple, get a lobster to pinch him on the testes. I suspect he will think twice before pinching sensitive areas on others.
Local chav decides to sell on stolen goods to local second hand dealer like Cash Convertors. Simply just go in and sell their belongings for the fraction of their value. So as not to be too harsh we'll give them the £45 they gave us for all their worldly belongings to rebuild their lives. Alternatively let the victim take items from the thief up to double the value of the original goods. Also to be flogged for attempting to flog the orignal goods.
I'm not saying ironic punishment is the be all and end all. Forcing someone sharing pornographic images of children to make them himself would hardly be a punishment and kind of counter productive. I do feel however that overall it'd make courtrooms all the more interesting and entertaining for judges and lawyers, "milud, I put it to you that the defendents multi-million pound jewellery heist calls upon an ironic punishment, perhaps removing an arm and grinding the bones into semi-precious stones would be a fitting gesture".
In case no one could guess I'm in one of THOSE moods today, oh well could be worse. It could be raining outside and.... Oh :(
http://www.lep.co.uk/news/i_can_t_sleep_after_watching_unleashed_dog_maul_my_cat_1_1218362
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