Director of Ironic Punishments

At this stage I'm assuming any reader will be aware of the story of Mary Bale, who in Coventry randomly stopped to pick up a cat and dump it into a wheelie bin - where the cat "Lola" remained for the next 15 hours. Now at this stage I'm not going to pass judgement of the dotty old mare who thought "it would be funny" to do this. While it was a strange thing to do and I would raise issues about one's sanity to randomly do something like this I do think there's been an over reaction to this. It's not like she allowed her pittbul to roam the streets and maul a cat to death in front of her owner as happened in Preston at the same time (link at bottom of post) here, it's random and not right but come off it we're not talking the worst case ever here.

This is why I am making it my duty to recommend to our Prime Minister (lucky timing with the kid there mate as an excuse for missing a big economic meeting) to make the post of Director of Ironic Punishments. Now, some people do things which are strictly speaking not illegal and some offences do not fit the punishment. In my first act for example, I have decided that Mary Bale should be picked up by somebody dressed as Tony the Tiger and thrown into a skip and enclosed for 15 hours. On release she'll understand how foolish she was and will think twice before stupidity for the lolz.


It's not like this is a completely new idea, technically this happens with the American legal system. At the moment, someone who is convicted of rape often finds themselves being explored intimately by someone who's able to physically dominate them and punish them in the same way this happened before. It doesn't work in the UK as well as these people are generally all weedy, we don't seem to have the same type of tough career criminal over here. Though I'm sure locking 50 rapists into one cell on a 15 year sentence will soon change the current situation there.


Of course, I've not been able to think through everything here as regards to everything but there are offences it could easily be used. For example, minor sexual assault, dude pinches wench in the buttocks. The punishment for this would be being placed short term on the sex offenders list, what's to stop one from doing it again? Simple, get a lobster to pinch him on the testes. I suspect he will think twice before pinching sensitive areas on others.


Local chav decides to sell on stolen goods to local second hand dealer like Cash Convertors. Simply just go in and sell their belongings for the fraction of their value. So as not to be too harsh we'll give them the £45 they gave us for all their worldly belongings to rebuild their lives. Alternatively let the victim take items from the thief up to double the value of the original goods. Also to be flogged for attempting to flog the orignal goods.


I'm not saying ironic punishment is the be all and end all. Forcing someone sharing pornographic images of children to make them himself would hardly be a punishment and kind of counter productive. I do feel however that overall it'd make courtrooms all the more interesting and entertaining for judges and lawyers, "milud, I put it to you that the defendents multi-million pound jewellery heist calls upon an ironic punishment, perhaps removing an arm and grinding the bones into semi-precious stones would be a fitting gesture".


In case no one could guess I'm in one of THOSE moods today, oh well could be worse. It could be raining outside and.... Oh :(


http://www.lep.co.uk/news/i_can_t_sleep_after_watching_unleashed_dog_maul_my_cat_1_1218362