Fantasy Football

Now the FA Cup is an occasion - next best to Christmas Day, when every team that's in the country get their chance to plaaaay. Apologies for quoting Chas and Dave ('91's epic song "We're off to Wembley (because we beat the Arse nal)") but we're at that time of year when we see something in sport that's almost entirely unique. As I sit at my desk I've spotted League 1 Notts County take the lead against big boys Sunderland. Championship side Cardiff are winning at top flight Stoke and fallen giants Leeds have just been unfortunate with a 90th minute penalty going in against the aforementioned Arse leading to a 1-1 draw at one of the toughest grounds to win at.

FA Cup 3rd round day is one chance when surprises can and do happen and one of few occasions when the little boys have a chance of glory against the big boys, some times it goes further. 13 years ago this weekend was the 4th round tie and one of my favourite memories of growing up, non-league Stevenage Borough 1 - 1 Newcastle United with Stevenage having a goal disallowed due to a tight offside call. Newcastle managed to win a replay 2-1 up in t' North courtesy of a goal which only the referee thought crossed the line, an incident for which I was suspended from school due to everyone wanting to discuss it with me in class the next morning.

Chances are the big boys will win, but as William Wallace/Mel Gibson once said about wanting "one chance, JUST ONE CHANCE!" and the pep talk in "Little Giants" where the losers remember the one time they got one over on more successful siblings to inspire them to that win it's that potential which makes it exciting. Personally, that Stevenage side were one of our weakest in recent years, but still I remember the likes of Des Gallagher, Michael Love, Robin Trott, Mark "Smudger" Smith, Ryan Kirby, Giuliano Grazioli (I once did a presentation claiming him the greatest Roman of all time in History despite being a Londoner), Neil "Sarge" Trebble or Gary Crawshaw as greats (no idea why I never remember the midfield) and with the hype for the rematch tonight on ESPN showing clips from Grazi's goal in front of the tense Geordies I still feel a bit teary eyed in the way that only sport seems to make grown men quiver. I just wish it hadn't been so long ago, would love to relive the memories on those tense ties on DVD, our VHS collection long gone, something which no sport really allows.

Growing up with rugby union, certainly in the amateur days I have fond memories of the "Pilkington Cup" which was close. Granted football has got many more professional teams but the Pilk used to do similar. I still remember the disbelief when my beloved London Wasps managed to lose to the Birmingham Pertemps Bees in a huge shock (though Wasps losing to Bees gave my mates some giggles I didn't share) and the joy when home town Huntingdon managed to qualify for the first round of this hallowed competition (as a youth player we got to play the big boys occasionally, mainly due to the regional nature. Playing Northampton at Franklin's Gardens for a spot in the Midlands cup final at Twickers being a career highlight) but that's now gone. I suppose with the move to professional status the smaller teams got left behind so much quicker and it just didn't get people's interest in the same way as the FA Cup. Such a shame as like the FA Cup those rare shocks were what appealed to me as a fan of the sport.

Tonight as I get ready to see the big game at Broadhall Way (better start checking I've got the tickets on me!) for vengeance a mere 13 years ago I know there's a chance I'll be feeling a bit dejected as the much better equipped and financially supported Newcastle beat us comfortably (that disallowed goal being our one chance) but I, for one, will be delighted that this opportunity exists. We may be a league side now but it changes nothing as we'll again be huge outsiders. Long may the FA Cup continue and here's hoping for some of those shock results!

Well? It's the big show

Standing at 7 feet 4 inches and weighing in at well over 500 pounds it is... The gaping hole in my calender which inevitably follows a successful run on the stage. That's it, pantomime season has finished for me and after a good run as "sound viking" for a production of Snow White and the scheming, manipulative and award winning role as Mr Boderick Bod (son of Bod) from Beauty and the Beast over with it is that long awaited yet loathed time which any actor hates. Downtime.

A few years ago this was not an issue, In the late teens I was confident enough in myself and the smaller roles I would generally get to take on two or three roles simultaneously but as the ageing process continues and I find myself generally getting the larger roles and forgetting more lines (huzzah for Autocue!) I now tend to only do two a year. I've done my annual light hearted romp with pantomime but between that and my Summer piece Shakespeares "Measure for Measure" (glad he wrote a new play, seems like years since the last one) I have got nothing. So what do actors do during downtime.

Well for one I feel sorry for the West End who're now going to be subjected to the hapless technical styling of the profressionals (not a typo, they call themselves such) who were so bad they were asking 'er indoors for advice. Other than that though, we're left with nothing. As it stands Facebook is agog with statii about how much people are missing the crew and the inevitable post show parties are being planned but the reality is, we fade apart. We'll all work together soon enough and it'll be smiles, hugs and buttock squeezes (when other halves backs be turned) again and as if we've not been apart but until then it's loneliness, quoting not yet forgotten lines and the inevitable what next?

Funny thing is, as an actor you find yourself not actually wanting to do anything! I've sat back to try and get to grips with Football Manager 11 (Huntingdon Town to Premiership glory?), rampaged around the fort on Fallout : New Vegas slaughtering post apocalyptic Roman legionaries and attempted to get my vocal skills up to scratch to take on Bohemian Rhapsody with full harmonies (solo) on Rock Band 3 but the problem is I don't want to do any of that.

Acting at times is like being a war veteran, "you weren't there man, you don't know what it's like!". We go through months of being in each others pockets, during the course of a show the cast are more a part of your family than those you live with, you live and breathe for each other. As a company you get to know everything about everyone and in Stockholm Syndrome fashion you love and care for those who you'd have bugger all to do with normally. Not to say that emotions and friendships aren't real, some of my best friends come through my time on stage, but you're living together and as exhaustion rises you're going through something that outsiders don't quite understand.

I've not really got too much to say today but had to return to blogging as we head into the new year, so this little rambling entry goes to my new brothers and sisters (come to think of it doesn't that make all the hugging and pecks on the cheek turn it into borderline incest?) who've been so key in helping get through the last few months. Some of you I'll never work with or speak to properly again but even still the memories remain...

Just a mo - Supercharging my Prius

I hate Clarkson, I hate that little twerp Hammond, Mays' dislike of the other two makes him bearable and I have no interest in cars what-so-ever. So why on Earth do I enjoy the Gran Turismo games? Theoretically a real driving simulator would be absolute tripe to me and I'm certainly not going to have the patience for going through all the driving licence tests and why on Earth can I not just use that top notch Ferrari from the moment I turn on the game?

Thing is, I think that's just what makes it popular and why I've been coming back since the original. It's almost a career simulation with the aspect of a pretty good driving game thrown in (management mode if you want these days) and - to me - that's one of the better features of recent sports games to ply my trade as a footballer at Lincoln City and work my way to international goalscoring superstar hero. I'm not particularly car literate, I'm not going to play it and be able to analyse the slight differences that may get a little more out of it, but I can look at the numbers and work out how to get more out of those pixels to give it a boost. Until recently on the Football/Championship manager games you saw nothing but numbers and had to work out how to use them to your best. Stevenage Borough winning the champions League? Relatively straight forward with the right mind.

As a driving game, it's one I've never had a problem with, one of the complaints has often been the lack of visible damage but to be perfectly frank that does nothing to me. It could just be my style but when I'm playing I tend to drive in driver seat view as I find it easier to gauge turns and distances, so I'm not going to see it except for in a replay but rarely am I that excited by a race I need to sit there for another 10 minutes to see it all from a different angle.

In short, as a genre it's one I'm not particularly interested in and that's due to my lack of interest in the subject full-stop but as a game. I keep coming back, for some part I'd say it could be the obvious improvement curve, of course in races if I turn up in a Bugatti Veyron against some substandard family saloons I'll romp home but going from scraping bronze to gold passes on licence tests shows that your skills are improving. Other than that I think it's just a incredibly well polished, deep driving game that if you're only going to play one of them fills all holes. Though my hatred for Top Gear is enlarged by trying to manoeuvre camper vans around "Hammerhead" at high speed!

Oh yes and I get to drive a supercharged version of Bumblebee from Transformers, probably 'er indoors' favourite feature...

Art of Acting 2 - Time to start work

I've been far too quiet on here recently and this comes down to the fact I've been barely able to sit still and relax for a few weeks, and it'll get much, much worse now! Over the next month I'm going to be living at the towns Commemoration Hall first in my role as "Sound Viking" for the youth theatre and then on stage during pantomomomime which is now less than 30 days away from show time, celebrity guests (well rumoured Emily Ovendon from Pythia/Medieval Baebes fame) and Miss Pipe heading to the countries first privately owned hospital *grumble* for childish delight.


With that deadline in mind we're now at the stage where people are putting down scripts, getting more physical and in some cases drifting towards complacency. First up let's tackle the "scripts down moment". Some of us are just about trying certain parts, myself included, without the script but the thing is. This leads to confusion as the person whom would fill the role of "contiunuity supervisor" or "prompt" if you prefer hasn't arrived yet which means that there is the continuous stopping when people don't notice you haven't got your script which becomes a repeat later on when the CS/P arrives (two days before show inevitably) who doesn't know when you're stopping for a dramatic pause or forgotten lines. Or they're over eager with a prompt line. Imagine if you will Romeo & Juliet as I, Romeo stand over the "dead body" of Juliet confronted with your one true loves body you don't just ramble on so I stop take a deep breath lower my head and begin working into a state of tears and a voice is heard bellowing from the wings "DEATH THAT HATH SUCKED!"... There goes that mood then!


The problem is that if there is no prompt in early rehearsals they're not going to know these acting nuances when it comes to performance and as a result people find themselves bundling through lines and losing some of the acting side, alternatively pausing midsentence due to the unmistakeable shout. I've only once seen someone forget lines in a professional show (Christian Slater for the record, noticed having played the role of McMurphy myself) and the secret is that the prompts actually turn up for rehearsals, I know in the West End they're paid for it but if actors and directors are there why can't a prompt from the crew turn up too?


Anywho, it's also now getting to the "physical" stage, having slung scripts over the shoulder a production can start picking up on things that are hard to do with a book in your hand. Aside from hitting someone with a book this will include running fight sequences, slapstick routines and other assorted pieces in situ. This in itself isn't too bad, in fact it's when the show starts to really comes together as people start experimenting. Where it does become a problem though is that you find yourselves getting too eager (I have a shirt somewhere with a nice sword hole in the sleeve from a lucky dodge) AND pushing it further as to what "extras" we can put in. Sometimes this isn't too bad, in panto for example people will expect big, larger than life characters and tricks but you can still push it. From a simple sequence like the stronger, braver character panicing, screaming and collapsing unconcious in a heap in terror (possibly with dropped females, sorry Grace) you can lead to more absurd and self induldgent moments. Already we've spotted a few and need to reign ourselves in. Sadly, some actors don't take too kindly to being told "it's a bit too much", That spear carrier pointing with gestures that would make Hulk Hogan blush during the finale of Hamlet springs to mind.


Finally, some people start to drift in a complacent stage. You'd think with less than a month till opening night people may get tense and start focussing... Of course not! Those who felt "untouchable" back in auditions still get that feeling even now (possibly even after getting the crummier role than their superior acting skillz deserve) and for whatever reason still think that they have forever. These are the people who on last night are still reading the script at every opportunity to avoid forgetting lines, they probably should've learnt them earlier. Of course, there are certain roles which are stupidly wordy so can understand but does that character in only two scenes really demand that much? Acting types sit back, relax and then the week before the show realise where they are and start panicking. Shockingly so do directors, while a last second bollocking may seem like "waking them up" the problem stems at the stage when they say that "everything is going really well". If you keep complacency going it's harder to get that later boost. Feedback does need to go both ways, oh and don't get someone who nobody has ever seen before to do the bollocking, it's hard to put on a show when your cast have walked out at the last minute!


That said, this years panto does seem to be going quite well but with a month to go there's not as long as people thing to get it going slick. Now let's wait to see what happens when the tech rehearsal comes along...

Building Better Worlds

Sorry for making this sound like a Weyland Yutani brochure but having installed the new hard drive for the PS3 I've finally been able to spend some time enjoying bigger games and admiring the crafted worlds of games like Oblivion (below) and Dragon Age, and this has led me to some observations and to relift and old idea which has been lingering (and been reminded to me by the lovely Kate every time we see eachother!

When running around these worlds (best viewed while with female elf character and after removing armour in 3rd person... ;) ) we find that not only do they look amazing and give fantastic energy but whether they're fantasy worlds like the above or barren Nevada wastelands people are now able to create a universe that feels "alive". Games are finally now able to build a universe (cliché ridden or otherwise) which is able to absorb you in another world or time period just like classic literature used to be able to.

Thing is, for the most part some elements of literature seem to have lost this same thing. Despite being fictional worlds they have elements which bring the reality. Even something like Dracula took elements of the reality and slotted it subtly in to the fantasy world, fiction but plausible. The sequel supposedly written using Stokers own notes however constantly name drops people of the era going as far as to change the dateline of the original novel to make Van Helsing a suspect in the Ripper crimes (evidently the alusion is Dracula was Jack the Ripper). Still marginally better then the other vampire series written by Ms Meyer which unlike the books she rips off comes across as half arsed fantasy which doesn't come close to absorbing. At least the Rice novels have that plausibility, for all the absurdities about supernatural beings there's the chance they COULD be legit (spoilers - they're almost certainly not though...)

Thing is, it just feels like creativity can struggle at times, even the books and games I like feel it's all been done before (recommend the Merlin Codex, nice mix of Celtic/Greek/Finnish mythology) in the above examples of Oblivion and Dragon Age it's basically king dies, demon invasion to quell. Books just seem to have got scarce further with ideas and the number of shocking remakes of films seems to go hand in hand with this. Even the "best young writer aged 6-13" who won an award for "original and creative ideas" when asked where her inspiration came from replied "well I watched this film with Brad Pitt and thought that'd make a good book". David Camerons expression in the photo was priceless!

This leads me to my project, a while ago on the Nightwish forum (why do people STILL send me private messages despite leaving over a year ago?) I ran a community story, almost like a text adventure RPG. Essentially it was a genetic engineering Crichtonesque piece using Jurassic Park as a start point and then moving from there to show off the new creations he'd created. Sadly inspiration seemed to hit most of the other writers and I couldn't kill them all off and try and limp through to the end of the episode with just two or three others.

What if, however, it's started with the plan of small contributions and working together to build the universe? What if perhaps there was some form of platform where people were able to make fairly large, in depth pieces of writing with an easy way of sharing it? National Novel Writing Month kind of went horribly wrong for me but nothing to stop people from trying this on the side. Perhaps we'll take Kate's poetry book idea and get a nice purdy cover published (even if it's only amongst ourselves). Now what shall we find as a starting point? Counter cliché fantasy (why do dwarves all hide underground and poncy pointy ears (despite being hawt) ALWAYS live in harmony with nature?) perhaps? any ideas?

Birthday Blues

This is not going to purely be ranting about the lack of breakfast in bed on my birthday, though I am sure that people would concur not even receiving a cup of tea would be incredibly insensitive and just downright mean. These sort of losses deserve a full scale rant but I can cope with them. Nor am I going to complain by the realisation I find myself sitting down and conversing with people half my age on a regular basis through theatrical escapades. Come to think of it the most alarming thing about that is that these kids are trying to teach me far too many dance routines for this years pantomime.


It's about the loss of the "special milestone" that birthdays used to be during our formative years. For the last 5 years very little has really happened and it now becomes "just another day", yes you'll receive a few cards from family members to show that people remember birthdays (incidentally this is now the missus' department, no card, blame her) and you'll receive 45 wall posts saying variations of "Happy Birthday" on your Facebook page and on nice forum communities you may be fortunate enough to receive a happy birthday topic of your very own. It's always nice to receive that small dose of appreciation but for the most part it's just another day.


Compare this to those "milestone" birthdays from not that many years before. As a child you would be lucky enough to receive that special gift you wanted and while we may get one little thing from those closest to us those days are long, long gone. As we go further into our teens these presents become rarer but so to do parties, do people assume as you reach 15 you're no longer deserving? We may be fortunate to have a special occasion such as our 18th and 21st party and special nights out (16th for young'uns due to the septic influence) but for the most part things are drifting further away from us.


What I'm saying is, us oldies should reclaim our birthdays from the doldrums. Why on Earth when I'm at work on my birthday why should I be the one expected to provide cakes/tin of sweets (thankfully cheap due to post Samhain sales) for everyone else? In fact, in schools it's almost seen as expected for the child to have their birthday off with no repurcussions. Let's extend this to the work life. One free days leave for all workers. If you are not due to be in work on your birthday allow this day to used up in another days paid leave.


Then there's the parties. Are we frightened of allowing ourselves to have a big old get together and good time with our friends and family? Let's reclaim the birthday party, let's make it so it's not seen as wierd for us to crash our parents place and put a big old bouncy castle in the garden get our friends round and have a huge sugar rush (not advised for GemGem). If one desires to have a swimming party with the giant inflatable pirate ship then my deity we should be allowed this option without the old bat at reception saying "sorry this is for children under the age of 13". It's my birthday and I want be allowed to be spoilt and have a darn tooting day with my friends. Is it really too much to ask?


I know a spoilt birthday can't be every year for cost reasons and the like but let's be fair here. When do we get the chance to truly be spoilt once we embark on life in the big wide world? It's the anniversary of our birth and we don't get too many days to celebrate that (average 80/29000 days) and this is just not fair. Let's enjoy our birthdays and win those classic days back. Come on, let's be having you!

Splodge

Ah yes, "splodge" the unmistakeable sound of goblin making the mistake of getting too close to an ogre not quite as stupid as he looked at first glance. Yes Blood Bowl is supposed to be the most brutal of sports games and since getting the board game version in around 96/97 one of my favourite of all time. As far as sporting games go there's been nothing for me, subbuteo was fun in doses but ultimately it didn't matter in the long run. Being into strategy games there wasn't a system for long term play and you didn't develop any form of skills other than being a good flicker = victory (though I did grow an attachment to a player with a broken leg in a Villa shirt I called "Steve Froggatt" due to an injury I remembered him picking up). After this there was Totopoly which was a fun little horse racing game. Thing is as far as sporting games went, I'd rather load up Premier Manager than any board games.


So as I began to get into miniature wargaming I came across this one set in the Warhammer world. American football with the added brutality of orcs flattening goblins and assorted other fantasy creatures. Considerably cheaper than going out and spending in excess of £100 to have a reasonable sized "army" it became easier to collect and put together a team. As it now stands I've got all official teams (except Norse, the vikings would be prod buttock, did the minis have any resemblence of the actual team roster) now and took part in two Blood Bowls where the "New Skaven Ratriots" (ratmen) got a Desmond (2-2 w/l record) before "Da Reggae Boyz" (Orcs with some modeling putty dreadlocks in a Jamaican football kit) lost all four.


I did come across a Blood Bowl game for the PC around the time I got first into it. I played it briefly but in the end I was still happier getting the board game out so it ended up in the little second hand game shop in town (sadly, no longer with us) and was forgotten about. As the years progress though I continued to play the board version (the wench is currently undefeated, must stop playing matches with a severe disadvantage against her...) and though my competition days are gone (for now...) my collection still get good game time.


14 years later, after spotting a game called "Chaos League" and spotting the blatant rip-off that it was, I caught the news that the company behind it had received the rights to make the official game. I guess Games Workshop learnt from the past, they accepted a one-off payment for Blizzards game with similarities to the Warhammer universe, next thing you know Blizzard are a huge company and the name Warcraft is bigger than Warhammer, lost them millions. So last year it finally hit the shelves and at the end of the month it's updated to include every team from the board game (bar Chaos Dwarves but they don't exist anymore (not profitable enough))and seems a good time to write it up.


Sound - Like all sports games the commentary can be quite good, with the odd funny one liner but if you play any sport game for more than a couple of hours it does get a more than a little tiresome. Other sound effects are general sporty grunts (and snarls from various creatures) so not fantastic sound but it does create some form of atmosphere though in turn based game play if you're a square short of a touchdown the roar of the crowd goes on forever. Oh the anticipation of a touch down.


Graphics - the image above is from one of the opening sequences (each team has their own sequences which is a nice touch) so not quite in turn with gameplay. In game though it does have a decent look though by modern standards not perfect. It is quite good in that you can instantly recognise the positions of the players and how experienced they are and any mutations and the models do look similar to their miniature counterparts. Graphically it could probably be better but it works and is supposed to be about gameplay right?


Gameplay - It keeps the rules as of the "living rule book version 5" (updated to 6 in Legendary) so as far as the game goes, what works on the board game should work in the game. Sadly a couple of rules are bugged which makes things incredibly difficult to plan ahead, skills dedicated to fouling like Dirty Player or Sneaky Git don't quite work properly which means the goblin method of "counter-splodging" is made harder to implement. A cheaper version of the board game with a couple of rules that don't work right (judging from the 117 page topic on the "Claw mutation ruins games due to being overpowered" that's in the game already! Aims are simple, two halves of 8 turns to try and score more touchdowns than the other team.


Longevity - No two matches against the same team are ever the same anyway and you can always lose that match you should win due to bad dice rolling, you need the skill to make yourself less reliant on dice but every now and then you can't avoid seeing your players laid low as little buggers nip in to beat you 1-0. Add to this the campaign mode which allows you to create your own team from beginning to top and developing skills to (hopefully) make the top and win the Blood Bowl championship itself. With 9 teams (human, orcs, dwarves, lizardmen, skaven (Ratmen), goblins, Chaos (daemonic beasts) and wood or dark elves) you have 9 teams if running to a formula lineup but by tailoring your teams can have much more, not to mention that as skill rolls are random you're never certain to have exactly the same team. Adding in the other 11 teams from the end of October and you should have plenty of replayability.


Overall, I'm probably going to get a lot more out of it than the normal player due to enjoying the board game for so long. If you want a sports game with a bit more depth than FIFA or Madden but don't want the full depth of a purely management title it'll probably go down well with you. It was on the 360, but lost some of the online play meaning online tournaments and the like weren't available and legendary edition isn't going to be released on there for the time being. If you have a PC though give it a go, although for me it's near perfect probably worth a 7/10 for an outsider. Of course, now you've at least got the advantage of demos!